Akhlaaq, dear sisters, Akhlaaq!
Archived under My Writings , Sisters .
Umm Junayd
As an active member of my local Muslim community, I have had several opportunities to participate in the organisation of events and volunteering to help during them. A constant occurrence that I have noticed at these events and gatherings is the akhlaaq (or lack of it) amongst the sisters.
Being a woman, I can give the 'inside story' as I see these things happening over and over, each time my stomach turns with sadness, despair and disgust. It's these same sisters that do not how to conduct themselves who seem to have children who are rude, wild and with major behavioural problems. This is not to say, however, that a child with the above traits have terrible parents, nonetheless parents (especially mothers) have a huge role to play in the way their child turns out.
Abu Huraira narrated that the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam) said: "The most perfect believer in respect of faith is he who is best of them in manners." [Sunan Abu Dawood, #2199]
This hadeeth is clear enough, right? The most perfect of us are those who are best in manners. Also:
Abdullah bin Amr narrated that Allaah's Apostle neither talked in an insulting manner nor did he ever speak evil intentionally. He used to say, "The most beloved to me amongst you is the one who has the best character and manners." [Saheeh al-Bukhaaree, vol. 5 #104]
Who wouldn't want to be beloved to the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam)? Yet most of us, and I'm referring to sisters here - including myself, don't act as though we would.
It seems that we have forgotten, and in most cases discarded, the great teachings of the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam) in his Sunnah. We've fell prisoner to our whims and desires and thrown away the much good that was brought to us over 1400 years ago. Is it not that if we returned to the teachings in the Sunnah the calamities and disunity would cease? If we stuck to the Sunnah we'd truly feel the brother/sisterhood wefve been blessed with. More often than not, we are united and many sisters do have good akhlaaq, but it's evident that some simply do not know how to conduct themselves or they choose to conduct themselves in an inappropriate manner although they know the Sunnah. We should then turn to the following and learn it:
Abu Huraira narrated that the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam) used to say: "O Allah, I seek refuge in Thee from four things: Knowledge which does not profit, a heart which is not submissive, a soul which has an insatiable appetite, and a supplication which is not heard."
My advice to you, dear sisters [and also brothers] in Islaam is:
1. Don't always think about yourself. Too often we are so busy saying "nafsee, nafsee" ["myself, myself"] that we forget that others are in greater need than we are, or that others are going through a greater calamity than we are.
2. Look on the bright side. When we are at gatherings and it's not what we expected, or there are many improvements to be made, try to point out the good in the particular situation rather than focusing on the bad.
3. Treat others as you'd like to be treated. If you are about to yell at a sister because her child pushed your child, hold back for a few seconds and think about if youfd like to be yelled at.
4. Follow-up evil with a good. So a sister just slapped your face, or she gave you a 'dirty-look', two wrongs don't make a right, but you can always make a right by trying to speak to her calmly or return the look with a smile. In the heat of the moment, it's hard to do, but we should take time to reflect upon this.
I say the above in hope that we may be amongst those whom the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam) said are most beloved to him. I leave you with the following hadeeth to reflect upon and inshaa`Allaah implement. Any good from this is from Allaah and any mistakes are from myself.
Abu Huraira narrated Allah's Apostle (sallallaahu 'alayhi wasallam) said, "The strong is not the one who overcomes the people by his strength, but the strong is the one who controls himself while in anger." [Saheeh al-Bukhaaree, vol.8 #135]
