Depression?
Archived under Personal Ramblings .
Assalaamu 'alaikum wa rahmatullaah.
This is more of a request to you all for advise than a real post and I hope that I get some replies to this one. There's someone who is in need of some advise, but I'm not too sure about the advise to give, so here goes.
Question: What advise would you give someone who feels depressed and lonely? It's not that the person is isolated from others, rather the person is quite well known in the local community, but the person simply doesn't have someone to call a friend.
Answer?
Your Thoughts
Yes, the person is a Muslim and has been practising for about 3-4 years.
Bismillaah wal Hamdulillaah was salaatu was salaamu `ala rasoolillaah, wa ba`d
As-salaamu `alaykum,
Maybe the person just doesn't have a real friend? Maybe the questioner could become the first real friend.
I think it is important to point out to the depressed person that our main friend is only Allaah and that if you've got him, you've literally got the world.
I believe there must be reasons why the person is feeling depressed. These reasons need to be solved, and if there are minor, then this needs to be pointed out to her/him, so that they are not worrying about something that isn't important.
It is likely she is lonely because she has got nothing to do. Get her to join up some club or take up a hobby. It will divert her attention inshaa`Allaah
May Allaah help us all. Aameen
Was-salaamu `alaykum
As Salaamu`alaikum wa Rahmatullaahi wa Baarakaatuh
Ukhti, I agree totally with Muslimah's suggestions. Maybe he can organize a gathering (lunch/tea/dinner) or have a halaqah and from there inshaa Allaah he/she can get to know the people more closely. Then, maybe, do some sports/hobby/healthy activities together?
Feeling lonely at times is quite normal but to feel depressed? It needs to be resolved. Inshaa Allaah.
BOOK: Grief and Depression
Dr. Abdullah al-Khater
http://store.yahoo.com/talkislam/b7053.html
Table of Contents:
1. Definition of Grief & Depression
2. Symptoms of Depression
3. Causes of Depression
4. Remedy: the Muslim Creed
5. Remedy: Piety & Righteousness
6. Remedy: Supplications & Prayer
7. Remedy: Contemplating the Worst Cases
8. Remedy: A Realistic, Not Idealistic View of Life
9. Remedy: Good Opinion
10. Remedy: How to Behave Towards People
11. Remedy: Hope
12. The Medical Treatment of Depression
Asalaamu Alaikum Ukhti,
I can thoroughly relate to the person's pain. As others have alluded to it is important to identify if there is a causative factor in the depression (i.e. recent change in life like divorce, loss of job, etc). If the person can identify the cause they should do something daily to heal the hurt. For me I journaled and dhikr-ed ALOT! Or if it's a personality issue like the person is very shy or prone to anxiety I would suggest slowly introducing other Muslims into his life one by one. This is also something I did. When I felt "hollow" I reached out to people one by one and slowly built a network of friends I could trust and feel open with.
just my thoughts,
H.A.
Wa 'alaikumus-salaam wa rahmatullaahi wa barakaatuh sisters!
Mashaa`Allaah, jazaakunn Allaahu khairan for your reponses. I do have additional comments, questions and thoughts to add, I just cannot do so right now. Inshaa`Allaah I will soon and I hope to receive more responses.
May Allaah preserve you all in righteousness, aameen.
Was-salaamu 'alaikum
~ Umm Junayd.
Salam...
Id like to mention here that I have a friend who was in a some what VERY similar situation.
I found that when I advised her abt hope and Allah's mecry she would feel good and her hopes were raised. But as is the case with all of us (esp. me, sometimes) we tend to go to a low once again. its such a repetitive cycle.
So i bought her the book DONT BE SAD by Al-Qarni (infact i bought myself a copy at the same time too).
Subhanallah I think it really helped both her and me. Coz once u read that book (x-tremely xcellent) u tend to put things into perspective and realise u r far better off than many other people. So I've managed to see such a rapid change in that sister and also it helps me whine less as well (not always, mind you). So maybe you should get her the book.
May Allah help us all, Ameen.
Another script thats also good is in islam-qa its abt depression by sheikh munajjid and its worth the read too.
I dunno, maybe this would help, Insha Allah... Wallahu A'lam
OK akhawaat,
Assalaamu 'alaikum!
This is gonna be a long one, so please bear with me!
Firstly, I think my use of the word depression was incorrect; after taking a look at the definition, I realised that the person is not at all considered as being depressed (well not clinically anyway).
Muslimah, what do you consider a 'real friend' to be? According to my understanding, a real friend is one who'll stick by you through the thick and the thin; a person who you can meet up or telephone for a chat; a person who can comfort you when you need it and honestly advice you when you fall short; a person who will remind you of Allaah through their actions and through their words. This person (we'll call the person 'Fulaan') only knows ONE person who possesses the aforementioned qualities except that this one person who Fulaan considers as a friend is also constantly tied up with other commitments.
Also, Fulaan is very much an active individual, so it's not a matter of not having something to do.
Alia, Fulaan tries to get close to people (of the same gender of course) but always feels that she 'doesn't know what to talk about' and although Fulaan's outgoing naturally, she sometimes feels that she's burdening the people with her personality.
Aishah, have you read that book and what benefits does it bring to one who isn't actually considered to be depressed clinically?
H.A, in what way did you reach out to people and by saying a network of friends, are they those who possess the aforementioned qualities?
Bint Ahmed, Fulaan does remember (or ties to remember) Allaah's Mercy and says "HasbiyAllaahu wa ni'mal wakeel" often. Mashaa`Allaah Fulaan has the book you mentioned - I've done a review on it (check Book Reviews).
Jazaakunn Allaahu khairan sisters - please provide additional thoughts on what which I have said, inshaa`Allaah.
Was-salaamu 'alaikum
~ Umm Junayd.
Wa`alaikumus Salaam wa Rahmatullaahi wa Baarakaatuh
You know, Ukhti, I am somewhat similar like Fulaan. Especially when you said "..Fulaan feels she's burdening the people with her personality." Alhamdulillaah, we all have our own unique personality. Maybe and Allaahu`alam, sometimes it's one of Shaitaan's many evil plots to make us feel inferior/not good enough. Fulaan should try hard to feel less anxious, be herself and talk as per situation. Or in other words, go with the flow. *S*
Inshaa Allaah, Fulaan will do fine.
Bismillaahi wass-Salaatu wass-Salaamu'alaa Rasoolillaah.
Us-Salaamu'alaikum.
First, if this person (since you finally addressed them as she and her, I'd consider it's a female) i.e. girl/woman is not married yet, she could get married and, thus, find a very good friend, by the Will and Mercy of Allaah 'Azza wa Jall.
Second, if this person, as you said, can't really be classified as depressed, and they are quite active, and well known in their community I believe there's nothing to be worried about, in-shaa Allaah.
Not wanting to burden others with one's thoughts can be a very big issue, and it can be very very hard to get over it, if not impossible. But really, who can be as good a friend of yours as Allaah Ta'aala Himself? It's just that we always keep saying how Good a Friend Allaah is of ours, but really, most of us don't treat Allaah as a friend. Maybe you could suggest her to take one of the spiritual paths (the established tareeqahs) to try and seek further closeness to Allaah 'Azza wa Jall, in-shaa Allaah.
Wallaahu A'lam.
Wa 'alaikumus-salaam wa rahmatullaah.
Yes it is true that we do not treat Allaah as our Friend, however, I do not believe that joining a tareeqa is the solution to this problem. Inshaa`Allaah, maybe if she reflects as little more, focuses on performing the authentically reported adhkaar (such as that found in hisnul-Muslim), recites thw Words of Allaah and reads it's tafseer... maybe she'll gain the closeness that she seeks?
Allaahu ta'aala a'lam.
Assalamu Alaykum brothers and sisters,
It was very nice reading all ur comments and i have to say I am somewhat in the same situation as Fulaan. First of all, I live with my brother and he is a teenager and I study at home too... so, some might say I feel lonely due to this fact but my answer is not really, i am an extrovert and I have few friends that I call alot and come around too...and yeah I can always go window shopping or to the library to get out of the house....so what causes this loneliness I asked myself....i don't know! I cant explain!
As I am single, I have thought about marriage, but the problem is that my reason for marriage is just to get a companion, someone that will always be there (immpossible, maybe a baby), someone that I can trust and talk to...will that be a good reason to get married? I concluded it wouldn't be fair on the man, as I am very sure I will not be lonely somedays.....but guess what? Guess what my medication is? Well praying and doin dhikr, by the tIme i know it, 2hrs has passed.....lol, the other thing is that I write alot and cry to Allah, I tell him my problems as telling others won't really help....3rdly, I read alot (islamic books), and i dont just read... I read and understand...I read and I talk, I practically interact with the book, I act out situations in my head, I also sleep alot....lol...NB..when i am around people for too long I start to feel funny, I want my privacy! So what causes this loneliness? I dunno! and btw it does't happen 24/7, it is just once in a while...and before I know it I am over the section of been lonely.
"but the person simply doesn't have someone to call a friend."
But Allah is always your friend...
Leave a Thought
Commenting Guidelines
1. Make sure it's relevant to the original entry (or a previous comment).
2. Please do not post links to sites unless they are approved of in my links section (you can contact me if you are unsure).
3. Please be courteous and respectful of other comments that are made.
4. All comments are subject to editing by the site owner if the above guidelines are not followed.
Wa`alaikumus salaam wa Rahmatullaahi wa Baarakaatuh..
Firstly, is this person Muslim?