Obligations of a Wife
Archived under My Writings , Sisters .
Too often we read about 'womenfs rights in Islaam', how her husband must treat her and so on; rarely do we read about a woman's obligations to her husband, her offspring and her home. Being a wife and a mother myself, I'd like to remind sisters of the main obligations and recommendations that a woman should fulfil in order to bring happiness and blessings into her home.
Kindness & gratitude
First and foremost a Muslim woman should be obedient to her husband in all that he commands her to do provided that she is not being asked to do something unlawful. She is also required to respect him (just as he is required to respect her) and to please him at every available opportunity.
'Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-'Aas narrated that the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wassallam) said, "The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman." [Reported in Saheeh Muslim: hadeeth 704]
The above hadeeth indicates that a pious woman is one of the greatest joys and blessings that a man can ever receive in this world. He should find serenity, pleasure and comfort when he returns home after a long days work. Refrain from delivering any bad news to him as soon as he walks through the door; allow him time to relax and 'de-stress' before dropping the bomb on him!
As women, we should also realise the great favours that have been provided to us by our husbands. Failure to do so can only displease Allaah and also determine that our destination will be the Hellfire (may Allaah protect us from it!):
Ibn 'Abbas (radiAllaahu 'anhu) narrated that Allah's Messenger (sallallaahu 'alayhi wassallam) said, "I was shown the Hell-fire and that the majority of its dwellers were women who were ungrateful." It was asked, "Do they disbelieve in Allah (or are they ungrateful to Allah?)?h He replied, "They are ungrateful to their husbands and are ungrateful for the favours and the good (charitable deeds) done to them. If you have always been good (benevolent) to one of them and then she sees something in you (not of her liking), she will say, 'I have never received any good from you." [Reported in Al- Bukhaaree: volume 1, hadeeth 28]
We know very well how emotional we can be as women and unfortunately, our emotions can cause us to become forgetful of the many favours which our husbands have done for us. We are required to show our gratitude for the good which we have been provided with, even for the smallest actions. In this way, hefll know that his efforts are appreciated.
Appearance
Effort should be made by sisters to please their husbands with their appearance. They are often bombarded with images of semi-naked women when they are outside of the home and to come home to a wife who looks shabby and smells foul will only tempt a husband to 'look elsewhere'. A little make-up, jewellery, clean clothes and perfume is all it takes to look seductive in a halaal way.
Physical desire
As chastity is the main objective of marriage, fulfilling our innate sexual desires yields great reward as the hadeeth below illustrates:
Abu Dharr narrated that the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wassallam) said, "cin man's sexual intercourse (with his wife) there is a Sadaqah. They (the companions) said: Messenger of Allaah, is there reward for him who satisfies his sexual passion among us? He said: Tell me, if he were to devote it to something forbidden, would it not be a sin on his part? Similarly, if he were to devote it to something lawful, he should have a reward." [Reported in Saheeh Muslim: 497]
Similarly, refusing to engage in sexual relations with our husband when he has the desire not only angers him, but also causes us to be cursed:
Abu Huraira (radiAllaahu 'anhu) narrated that the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wassallam) said, "If a husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relation) and she refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the angels will curse her till morning." [Reported in Saheeh Al-Bukhaaree: volume 4, hadeeth 460]
Motherhood
If Allaah wills that a woman gives birth, she should make sure that she pays close attention to their upbringing; devoting her time to them in this world may bring her goodness in the next. Allaah says in the Qur`aan:
Nowadays we find that our sisters are running after the dunya and neglecting a responsibility which could inevitably result then being in the Hellfire or Paradise. Motherhood id not easy, yet we must strive to raise our children with the best possible akhlaaq and to also love Allaah and His Messenger (sallallaahu 'alayhi wassallam). It is important to teach children about Islaam from an early age as we can see below:
'Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-'Aas narrated that the Prophet (sallallaahu alayhi wassallam) said, "Command your children to pray when they become seven years old, and beat them for it (prayer) when they become ten years old; and arrange their beds (to sleep) separately." [Sunan Aboo Dawood: hadeeth 197]
If we begin to teach out children how to pray from the age of seven (or even earlier), by the time they reach ten years of age, they'll know the importance of the salaah and will not delay it – so much so, that you'll probably have them telling you that it is time for salaah. This is just one of the many benefits of instilling the teachings of Islaam in early childhood; it will remain with them as they grow.
Finances
It is also important that we tend to our husband's finances; to safeguard his possessions, to spend with his permission and to also encourage him to give in the Way of Allaah.
'Aaishah (radiAllaahu 'anhaa) narrated that the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wassallam) said, "When a woman gives in charity some of the food in her house, without causing any damage, there is reward for her for whatever she has given, and a reward for her husband for what he earned." [Muslim: hadeeth 503]
The Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wassallam) told us who the best women are; apart from being kind to her children, they are the most responsible with their husbands' property:
Abu Huraira (radiAllaahu 'anhu) narrated that the Prophet (sallallaahu 'alayhi wassallam) said, "The best women are the riders of the camels and the righteous among the women of Quraish. They are the kindest women to their children in their childhood and the more careful women of the property of their husbands." [Reported in Saheeh Al-Bukhaaree: volume 7, hadeeth 19]
Amongst the duties mentioned above, we are also required to:
- Ask his permission before leaving the home and also when inviting others over.
- Not to mix with non-mahram men.
- Keep his secrets, especially those pertaining to sexual relations.
Although it may seem that we have 'read this all before', it is vital that we are reminded; for those who are reminded frequently are less likely to forget. Remember, keep your cool when it seems that an argument may erupt, speak sweetly to him (itfs the only chance you get to do this!)
Ifd like to finish by ending with this final very important hadeeth:
Ibn 'Umar (radiAllaahu 'anhu) narrated that Allah's Messenger (sallallaahu 'alayhi wassallam) said, "All of you are guardians and are responsible for your wards. The ruler is a guardian and the man is a guardian of his family; the lady is a guardian and is responsible for her husband's house and his offspring; and so all of you are guardians and are responsible for your wards." [Reported in Al- Bukhaaree: volume 7, hadeeth 128]
May Allaah bring tranquillity into our homes, increase us all in goodness and provide for us a means to please Him and may He overlook our shortcomings. Those who guard their Islaam will be the successful – may Allaah include us amongst them, ameen.
