Rage at the Outrage

Rage.

The word
is years away
from describing the turmoil
of heat and anguish within me

The word
does no justice
to express my disgust
at the injustice before my eyes

The word
fails to heal
the deep red marks
left on my hands from hours of clenching

The word
is unable to erase
the marks of tears
that linger on my cheeks

The word
does nothing
Absolutely nothing
To help my brethren in Palestine

Yet
Rage
Is what I feel
Then thaws into helplessness
At the outrage

An outrage.

© Umm Junayd, January 2009

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Over too soon...

...Ramadhaan, that is.

SubhaanAllaah, this Ramadhaan has got to be the most beneficial one that I have experienced in my 20+ years of life, alhamdulillaah.

Words cannot even begin to describe the high Ramadhaan gave me; words cannot describe the positive imprint it left on my heart. SubhaanAllaah, during the last few hours of Ramadhaan I wished to weep, but alas, I was and am ever grateful to Allaah (subhaanahu wa ta'aala) for giving me such a fruitful experience during the blessed month.

What, you may ask, made this Ramadhaan so different from previous ones? What was it that got me kicked into action from the very first night?

My dear brothers and sisters, I can humbly say it was simple preparation.

Prior to Ramadhaan starting, I had all things related to 'Eid sorted out - clothes, shoes, gifts etc. I also did one huge shop for necessary food stuff to be used during the month. Why did I do this? Because I simply did not want to be using precious hours during Ramadhaan to be spent shopping.

In addition to this, I also set myself one major goal. Mashaa`Allaah, brothers and sisters set themselves several goals for Ramadhaan: increasing khushoo', making more dhikr, praying more nawaafil salaah etc. But past experiences have taught me that it's not quantity, but rather quality. Sounds cliché, right? And so it may be, but these little actions were not part of my master plan or my major goal - they were touch-down points that I would, inshaa`Allaah, reach, but not my 'big dream'.

My thirty day odyssey through the Qur`aan was my big dream - to read the Qur`aan from cover to cover in the Arabic language. 'People do it all the time', you're probably saying, and that may be so, but I had never, so it was a major dream of mine, and one that I knew only planning and trust in Allaah would see me through. And so I planned. I set myself a deadline for each day - I simply had to reach each day's deadline by maghrib time, which, in Islaam, is the official start of the next day.

And by meticulous planning, determination and zeal, I was by Allaah's Grace able to complete my recitation - tabaarakAllaahu ta'aala. For me, that journey through the Qur`aan was the best journey I had ever embarked on, for it was through my recitation that I encountered uncountable gems within the Blessed Book. Inshaa`Allaah I will share those gems with you in due course. Suffice to say: it was over too soon.

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Thirty-day Odyssey

Upon the sight of the thin crescent, I proclaim the praise of my Lord; firmly asking for guidance on the straight path, as I proceed to journey past those who were far from it.

Plunging through pages that are deeper than the ocean Yunus was thrown in, and fluttering past the destruction of Thamud, 'Aad and the treacherous people of Sodom. I bat back tears as I marvel at the strength of Ya'qub, the patience of Ayyub and the bravery of Dawud. Pangs of longing of companionship with the Wife of Fir'awn and the conviction of Maryam overcome me.

I stop by and praise the Owner of the Dominion and ponder upon how He causes birds to fly with nothing to uphold them but He. I tremble as I tiptoe through images of the fire and the torment that awaits those who reject Him; my eyes glaze over as I pray for my supplications to be responded to on the Night of Power, and quiver upon mention of the convulsion of the ground that I know to be firm and stable.

Thirst beholds me as I envision quenching it with the sweet drink of Al-Kauthar, until I whisper with hot tears tumbling down my face: "Who whispers into the breast of mankind, from jinn and mankind."

My thirty-day odyssey through the Qur`aan is a dream not far off, and it begins upon the sight of the thin crescent.

© Umm Junayd, August 2008.

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