Please, Mend My Heart!
Assalaamu 'alaikum wa rahmatullaah.
This is the beginning of the current book I'm writing. It's nearly reached a 500 word word count (excluding that which I have yet to type up), so please let me know what you think. Please provide honest, constructive criticisms as this will be the only way that I can improve, inshaa`Allaah.
Shukran lakum.
Was-salaamu 'alaikum
~ Umm Junayd.
“Not again!” Khalid cried in a croaky small voice as he and his sister walked in through their front door.
“They’re always arguing. Why are they always arguing?” He asked, now facing his sister. “Tell them to stop, Saf. Please tell them to stop!”
His large brown eyes slowly rolled upward, staring into his elder sister’s bright round eyes. Safiyyah quickly looked away as their eyes met; she hated to see the pleading look on Khalid’s face. It made her feel responsible for all the problems their parents had – it made her feel helpless. Khalid was only six years-old. He didn’t understand.
Safiyyah swiftly stepped forward past her brother, carefully placing her maroon college bag onto the brass bag hook. Khalid remained in his usual witness spot, anticipating his sister’s next move.
© Umm Junayd, December 2005
Comments
Asalaam 'Alakum:
You got me - I tried to find more - desperately searching for what happens next. Good job.
Asalaam 'Alaikum,
Sumayyah Umm Sadiqah wa Asma
Posted by: Sumayyah Umm Sadiqah wa Asma | December 26, 2005 1:30 AM
Wa 'alaikumus-salaam.
Ah... ukhtee. Hm.. should I post another few paragraphs inshaa`Allaah?
I'm actually a little stuck with this story as I can't really decide on the target audience. It's now past the 1,200 word mark and I'm not even half way through it!
Allaahul Musta'aan.
Posted by: Umm Junayd | December 26, 2005 12:05 PM
i think the narration is a little too detailed for the kids.
but it seems like a good story, and we would sure like to see this one through to the end.
Posted by: yunir | December 27, 2005 11:44 AM
That's what I've been thinking. But, there are different children's writing genres, and I was kinda thinking it could be aimed at 6-8/ 7-10 as a chapter book or even a series?
Not sure really - need to make istikhaarah, I think.
JazaakAllaahu khairan for being honest, brother. I appreciate that.
Posted by: Umm Junayd | December 27, 2005 1:35 PM