4
One Death, Two Callings
Sometimes it takes the loss of something or someone dear, in orderto gain in strength and faith.
For every Muslim, ‘Eid-ul-Fitr is a day of joy and celebration - a day to signify the end of a month of sacrifice and abstinence. However, on the cold, crisp morning of ‘Eid-ul-Fitr in 2001, 1422AH, I received some shocking news: my best friend’s mother had passed away. This was a woman I respected and loved; someone I had served iftaar to and hugged only two days before. Yet that morning was her calling to return to her Lord.
“It is quite possible that something which you don’t like is good for you and that something which you love is bad for you. Allah knows and you do not.” (Surah al-Baqarah [2]: 216)
Up until that point, I had been an outgoing, teenager who was into everything that my parents would allow, and even some things that would have raised their eyebrows. But that morning, I felt like I’d been dropped from an indescribable height and had shattered into tiny shards. Life took a full turn, leaving me dazed, confused and full of questions.
Although I was born into a Muslim family, my family were of the liberal persuasion where the salah was not really enforced, and the rules of fasting were not strictly adhered to. Nonetheless, my parents ensured that my siblings and I gained some sort of an Islamic education and thus we were sent to madrasah on the weekends. The seemingly endless lessons, however, had little effect on our lives once we exited the doors of the mosque.
The death of my friend’s mother shook me to the extent that I began to question my own life. As difficult as it is to deal with death, it serves as a reminder that our time in this world is limited and that we will not receive any warning as to when our departure from this world will transpire.
On my way home from college one evening, I realised that I was living a double life. On the one hand I was the polite Muslim girl who got top grades in Islamic Studies, who prayed when everyone else prayed and wore a cute khimaar and abayah at madrasah; while on the other hand I was a teenager who often transgressed the boundaries laid down by Islam. On a bus journey home, I met one of my madrasah teachers. Shame overcame me that evening when she saw me without the head cover and loose-fitting garments that she was accustomed to seeing me wear. A dark blanket fell upon me, but I realised that my shame in front of my teacher was unfounded. Standing before her in my usual college gear conjured up the same feelings of shame that Prophet Aadam (AS) and his wife Hawwa must have felt when they realised they were naked. At this point, I realised that I too was naked, and that my shame should not be spurred by my teacher’s witness of it, but that my Lord, Allah, was always a witness to it.
It was then that I resolved to make a change; I could not go on being two people. From that day, I began donning a Louis Vuitton silk scarf in order to stay within my ‘gangsta chic’ image. As much as I wanted to change my appearance, my willpower shrunk the moment I stepped out of my front door. I wasn’t ready to face the world - and the entire Student’s Union common room - as a full-fledged Muslimah. Not so soon, anyway - but as my confidence and knowledge of Islam grew, I took the brave step of wearing a full headscarf… what a day that was!
I got looks that shouted, ‘where in the world did you come from with that?’ especially since I was the Publicity Officer of the Students’ Union. People approached me and asked, “Are you Muslim?” which I guess was their way of expressing their shock. Some asked me, “When did you become a Muslim?” I always hated that question, as it made me feel embarrassed and ashamed for my previous ways: a Muslimah-by-name, but not a Muslimah-by-nature. I would respond meekly, “I’ve always been a Muslim”.
By Allah’s Infinite Mercy, I was able to slowly progress from skin-tight jeans to a loose, long skirt, and then to a long, flowing dress; and my head-scarves became longer and wider in order to cover my chest. I found that the more confidence I gained within myself, the more readily and easily I was able make those outward.
Attending university was a fresh page in my book - it allowed me a freedom that I didn’t have at college. The bonus of having a strong Islamic Society helped me in ways unimaginable, as I no longer felt like a lone sheep, or an ugly duckling. I felt like I belonged. My sisters were my pillars; they held me up when everything else around me seemed to be crumbling out of control. We prayed together, ate together, laughed together and sometimes cried together.
My friend’s mother’s death was a turning point in her life, but also a turning point in mine. For her, death signified the end of a long-standing relationship between a mother and daughter; for me it was the onset of a true relationship between a slave and her Lord. It’s almost impossible to see any sunshine through streams of tears, but Allah’s continuous Mercy became evident from that very day. ‘Eid- ul-Fitr 1422AH was my friend’s mother’s calling to Allah, and was also my calling to return to the way He has ordained for me. Indeed, that one death comprised of two callings.
© Umm Junayd, 2008.
21
Saving the Best ‘Til Last II
With respect to my last post, I thought it would be best to illustrate how we can combat putting our deen until last. It is one thing to rant and rave - as I did - about the woes of the Ummah, but it’s another thing to provide examples of how we can overcome those woes. So here goes:
1. Plan your day around the salawaat
This is something that we should all make more of an effort to do as we are accustomed to planning our salawaat around our day. If we do it the other way around, we will find, inshaa`Allaah, that our salawaat are performed on time and within the earliest part of the hour.
“Guard your salaah (obligatory regular prayers) especially the middle salaah and stand up with true devotion to Allaah.” [Soorah al Baqarah (2): 238]
2. Continuously review and renew your niyyah
There is no doubt that that which we regard as being trivial, with the right intention, can become an act of worship, be it eating, drinking, working and even studying. The constant renewal of our intentions will ensure that this is the case.
3. Reflect
With the hustle and bustle of this world, very few of us have the time - more correctly, find the time - to reflect and ponder. A way to overcome this would be to try to ponder upon the Magnificence of Allaah at regular intervals (if one is not able to do so all the time) or after an activity which one does regularly. One such example is the five obligatory salawaat. Take a couple of minutes reflect upon your day up to that point. What have you done so far today? Is it pleasing to Allaah? If not, how can your rectify it? What can you cut back on? What can you increase/ improve on? This way, your day will be used in the most beneficial way and your heart will feel at ease as you’re regularly assessing yourself and engaging in the reflection of Allaah’s Greatness.
“Keep yourself content with those who call on their Rabb morning and evening seeking His good pleasure; and let not your eyes turn away from them desiring the attraction of Worldly Life; nor obey the one whose heart We have permitted to neglect Our remembrance, who follows his own desires and goes to extremes in the conduct of his affairs.” [Soorah al-Kahf (18): 28]
4. Keep it constant
‘Aaisha narrated that the Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said: “Do good deeds properly, sincerely and moderately and know that your deeds will not make you enter Paradise, and that the most beloved deed to Allaah’s is the most regular and constant even though it were little.” [Saheeh Bukhaaree: vol. 8 #471]
Deeds which are done consistently, no matter how small they are perceived, are most loved by Allaah. If it is only after Fajr that you find time to recite from the Noble Qur`aan with tranquillity and concentration, as is my case, make it a part of your daily routine - and what a blessed time this is too.
“Establish salaah from the decline of the sun till the darkness of the night and read at Fajr (dawn); for the reading at Fajr is witnessed (by the angels).” [Soorah al-Israa` (17): 78]
May Allaah make us amongst those who place our deen first and allow everything else to follow, aameen.
Was-salaamu ‘alaikum
~ Umm Junayd.
18
Saving the Best ‘Til Last
‘Save the best ’til last’. Most if not all of you have probably heard this phrase before and in some cases it rings true:
-> you save that luscious ice-cream until after dinner in order to devour it slowly;
-> you ‘wait until later’ to give good news because it makes it all the more exciting;
-> even women add the finishing touches after having done their hair and worn their finest clothes.
However, it seems that many of us put the very best at the bottom of our priority list. You know what it is; it should be that which governs our lives - our every action and speech. It should be that which we strive to live by. It should be that which we yearn to learn about. Indeed, many of us leave it ’til last, and sadly it’s Islaam.
If we look to the example of the sahaabah, we can see that before everything, Islaam was at the top of their list. Their love of Allaah, His legislated way of life and His noble Prophet (sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) reigned above all. We could see this from the way they lived their lives. No doubt, they were also engaged of actions of this world - i.e. working, buying and selling - but these too were governed by Islaam.
Today, when we hear of lectures, study circles or the like, for most of us we simply do not have the time even though we may have the time. We place Islaam after the affairs of the dunyaa. “Oh, I’ve got to do this first, then I’ll pray.” How many times have we said this? Is it not to Allaah we are praying? And… is it not Allaah Who has given us the ability to do that which we are putting ahead of our salaah?
Sadly, we have our prorities messed up and we should take heed to this aayah:
surely he is your clear-cut enemy.”
May this be a beneficial reminder first to myself before anyone else and I pray that Allaah increases us all in steadfastness upon His Path, aameen.
Was-salaamu ‘alaikum
~ Umm Junayd.
